Politics jokes
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"
The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"
The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"
The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"
Communist jokes suck... unless everyone gets them.
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called aregoslavia.
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called yugostravia.
Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.
He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.
I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.
He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.
I asked, "Where are you going?"
He said, "Camp Bin Laden."
I asked, "What do they do there?"
He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."
I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"
He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."
Bin Laden was the hide and seek champion for 10 years, 2001-2011.
Wanna hear a racist joke?...
Donald Trump.
Hitler was a dic-tator.
Do you know why no one speaks about George Washington?
John Adams turned him into atoms. John Adams was an alien.
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.
If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
Which freedom fighter do we say "good morning" every day?
Answer: Subah Chandra Bose.
"Subah" means morning.
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
What comes after 611? 711.
What comes after that? 811.
What comes after that? George W. Bush.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they can't change anything.