Play jokes

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."

Why can't Biden play chess?

Because he doesn't have the towers.

I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.

What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!

Not funny, here’s another.

Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.

Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?

Because he’s a ball hog.

When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"

I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said, "I will fuck you up." She said, "Try me." So that's exactly what I did, and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying.

When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”

I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.

When I hired a Asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:

Mr. Wong - I see he, so I climb up tree. He knock on door and she let him in. She talks to him, he talks to she. He undresses she, she undresses he. She plays with he, he plays with she. I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see... No fee.

Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.

I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?

Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.

you play gatcha life more like go get a life.

This is so sad, Alexa, play Despacito.

What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.

A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...

The steaks were pretty high.

What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?

A: A virgin.