I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
Friend: Want to play Fall Guys?
Friend 2: Yup.
Friend: Ok, so let me ju- wait, where are you going?
Friend 2: I'm gonna jump off.
Friend: Why?
Friend 2: We are playing Fall Guys, right?
Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.
Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"
I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"
When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays Pumped Up Kicks.
Why does the adopted kid like playing GTA? Because he wants to be wanted.
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."
I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.
What were the twin towers plains?
God's playing Jenga.
People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."
Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?
Dribble.
Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?
Because no one’s looking for them.
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"
My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."
Why can't Biden play chess?
Because he doesn't have the towers.
I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.
