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Mom

  • Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?

    Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!

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  • Genie

  • This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.

    The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.

    The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”

    The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”

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    Tortoise

  • The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.

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    Closet

  • Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

    Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”

    Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”

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    Dog

  • My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

    The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

    Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

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    Rapper

  • Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?

    Because good luck finding someone who’s always in the booth!