What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
Play Jokes
Why can’t Americans play chess?
They lost 2 towers.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?
Van Halen's "Jump."
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
What game do emo kids love the most?
Hangman.
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?
Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.
Why are the UK and the USA bad at playing chess?
Because they lost 2 towers and their queen.
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?
Diddler on the Roof.
Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
What’s a booty’s favorite game?
Hide and cheek.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Why don't rappers ever play baseball?
Because they're too busy dropping hits!
What instrument does a special ed kid play? An autistic guitar.
