Place Jokes

Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.

What is Michal Jordan's favorite coffee place? Dunkin dounuts.

A man went to the doctors and the doctor said “what happened to you?” The man replied and said “I broke my arm in two places!” Then the doctor replied with “DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!”

Signs my cousin is going places when he's older: TEST QUESTION: where was the declaration of independence signed? He wrote: at the bottom of the page. Smart kid

Ukraine (🇺🇦) Vs Russia (🇷🇺) place your bets!!!

Johnny Depp to a 15-year-old girl: Wow look at that sexy body! Savvy!

Michael Jackson, when talking about a 6-year-old boy: The boy is mine! That doggone boy is mine! Don't waste your time....

Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Jeffrey Epstein entering and exclaiming, "Wow, this place is more fun than the Playboy Mansion!"

Women be like if men are gone earth would be a better place, forgets women help to create war,weapons,animal and human cruelty and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.

I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite place to visit? Hee-Heegypt

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.

You can play Jenga in 2 place now New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers:) they prolly have jenga tournaments they’re every year

I'm not saying you're stupid. But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, Do not place over head"

Teacher: what’s 2+2

Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh

Teacher: well jimmy I can see your going places not college but places

Your hairline so cricket will Smith can't slap it back in place

Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man"? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven". Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. "Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : "What is it?" A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : "Do you mind if we swap places"? Sister Bernadette replies : "What for"? Sister Carmel says : "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there"!

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"