Place jokes

Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.

What hype is this place out? Is it for the night? You cannot say what is a great night. I have a good night.

Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?

A: Right where you left 'em.

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.

She really hates it when I spit my food back out.

Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.

Twin Tower jokes are funny because they are dead.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

In a thick Russian accent:

"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."

What is a cannibal's favorite place to go? An orphanage. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What do you call a rapper's favorite place to eat?

The MIC Donald's drive-thru.

What is the difference between hungry and horny?

The cucumber goes to different places.

Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?

Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

I'm not saying you're stupid.

But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

Yo mama's so dumb, her dad said, "You're driving me crazy," and she said, "I didn't know crazy was a place!"

I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.

One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).

My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.

Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.

Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?

She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama!

I was doing some karate the other day at the studio.

They kicked me out because I was doing “kungi fui.”