Place jokes
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
Ukraine (🇺🇦) vs Russia (🇷🇺), place your bets!
Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.
What type of gun isn’t allowed in Africa?
A water gun.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.
What's a pedophile's favorite place to go in?
Kum and Go.
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
Twin Tower jokes are funny because they are dead.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
Why do orphans love tennis?
Because it is the only place they can get love.
Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
I thought about learning skydiving without having to afford gear. But the highest place I got is my apartment window.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.
That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.
An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.
I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.
Women be like if men are gone, Earth would be a better place, (forgetting) women help to create war, weapons, animal and human cruelty, and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to go? An orphanage. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Where did Suzy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.