Place

Place jokes

Penis

    • True Story

    A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

    The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

  • 1
    • Place memes

    Domestic Violence

    • I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

    Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

  • 1

    • Cheer

    • "I see, I see." "Oh, do you see?" "I see 1st place looking at me." "Hi, don’t be shy, just say hi." She was shy, she didn’t say hi. Softball cheers.

    Appetite

    • Madden Whiffen, a curious soul, With an appetite beyond control, A bottomless pit, never satisfied, Ingesting all that's placed beside.

    From dawn till dusk, he feasts his way, Devouring meals without delay, With gusto he consumes, without restrain, Every morsel, every crumb, he'll obtain.

    No dish too large, no portion too small, His hunger insatiable, devouring it all, From succulent meats to delicate greens, He relishes the flavors, savoring each scene.

    A culinary adventure, forever he embarks, Sampling cuisines from all walks and arcs, From street food to gourmet, he seeks it all, His palate an explorer, on a constant sprawl.

    He savors the spices, the textures, the taste, In a gastronomic journey, no time to waste, For Madden Whiffen, the food is his muse, A symphony of flavors, he'll never refuse.

    But caution, dear friends, in this feeding spree, For gluttony can lead to a troublesome plea, Madden Whiffen, beware the consequences, For overindulgence brings no recompenses.

    In the realm of cuisine, he reigns supreme, A legend of eating, a man of extreme, Madden Whiffen, the one who eats it all, In his gastronomic pursuit, he stands tall.

    So let us marvel at his voracious might, As he devours dishes, day and night, For in Madden Whiffen, we witness the feat, A man who eats everything, a culinary elite.

  • 1

    • Disneyland

    • They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well, apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.

    Woman

    • A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.

    One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son.

    Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

    "Yes it is," the man replies.

    "You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.

    "No thanks," the man replies.

    "I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.

    "OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in.

    "Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.

    "TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive," but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.

    The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy.

    "It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.

    "Yes it is," replies the man.

    "Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.

    "OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.

    "Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.

    The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."

    "I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.

    "How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.

    "Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.

    "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.

    At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

    "Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.

  • 1