Place jokes

What hood do zombies come from?

Dead Ends.

I troll under different usernames. I'm a bit all over the place mentally.

Ever seen twins?

If you said yes, was it before or after 2001?

God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.

What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.

Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?

Friend: What?

Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.

I'm not saying you're stupid.

But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"

I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.

The sign on their gate says:

"Clothed Until Further Notice."

Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.

What is Michael Jordan's favorite coffee place? Dunkin' Donuts.

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere.

Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.

Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?

She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama!

Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!

Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!

Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.

This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

Signs my cousin is going places when he's older:

TEST QUESTION: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

He wrote: "At the bottom of the page."

Smart kid!