A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it
Named my dog syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say “get Down syndrome”
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
I ran over neighbors cat last night and I just want to say... THAT THING WAS FAST! I had run a red light to get it!
my sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks im irresponsible so i throw it out the window
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me: ...
Me: Bitch please.
My fish died and i didnt do anything i just took my fish for a walk
why was the dog stealing shingles?
he wanted to be a woofer
I had a dog with an eating disorder. He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
my girlfriends dog died so i got her a new one in replacement and she went off on me and yelled
"What am i supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day 😮💨
what has two legs and is red all over?
half a cat
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless untill you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat
Two cats called '1,2,3' & 'un,deux,trois' had a swimming race across the channel. 1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!
I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on a floor But only for like twenty seconds
add me in Roblox wholetthedogsoutyou1 lol who let the dogs out you you you you you
I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him rape
