Pet jokes
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: You can't find your dog.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down.
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
I started crying when my dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't coming.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.
What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.
For 20 seconds.
And only once... :(