Pet jokes

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."

We never saw him again.

I say we shouldn’t do any jokes about dogs cause dogs are the best, but cats suck.

You masturbate...

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

You won't get any Squirtle and Bulbasaur pets.

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

Whenever I see a dog video, I just take a second to press paws.

I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.

Zozo the hobo has two frogs and a bunny cage from pet expo. Why? Because he wanted a pet, you idiot!

Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?

A: It means cats and dogs can talk.

Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.

Dog: *frown*

What is a dog's favorite snack?

RUFFles.

Little Johnny attends school regularly and often brings a box of sultanas as a gift to his favorite teacher.

One morning Little Johnny attends class without a box of sultanas.

The teacher enquires, why Johnny "where is my box of sultanas?"

Johnny replied, "Sorry, miss, my rabbit died."

Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."

I cried when my dad cut onions.

Onions was a good dog.

Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.

Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.

I had a dog with an eating disorder.

He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.

Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.

If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.

What do you call a dog magician?

Labracadabrador!

There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.

When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”

I love my dog and all dogs.