Pet jokes

How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.

What do you do when your cat's dead?

Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.

I love ❤️ dogs.

There were ten cats in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, 'cause they are all copycats.

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

I named my dog "J," and everyone thought I said "jam."

Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.

Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?

Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.

Is your middle name Fancy Feast?

'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.

Why can’t orphans have a house pet?

Because its parents have it to itself.

Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

I called my dog 5 miles.

Today, I fawn over my miles.

My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.

What's wrong with Asian pet stores?

There's no pets.

You got a dig bick.

You read that wrong.

You read that wrong too.

Maybe you read that wrong as well.

You just went and back-checked.

You reread all of that.

You have a pet wussy.

You read that wrong...

You need mental help.

Why was the dog staying in the shade?

Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!

What do you call a rapper's pet?

A HIP-HOP-POTAMUS.

What do you call a dog magician?

A labracadabrador.

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."

Hi! I love my dog.