Pet

Pet jokes

Dog

    • Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

    The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

    Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

    On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

    This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

    Dog

    • I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

    Why?

    The ducks keep trying to eat him.

    Why would they do that?

    Because he’s pure-bread.

    Wife

    • My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.

    Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.

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    • Pet memes

    Dog

    • I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I walk 5 miles each day.

    But today I ran OVER 5 miles... oops!

    Dog

    • A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

    "What are you doing all day?"

    "Knot a lot."

    Dog

    • What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?

    "It won't be long now..."

    Dog

    • We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

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