I named my dog 5 miles so i could say i walk 5 miles each day
but today i ran OVER 5 miles...oops
You got a black cat. He was bad luck. Everyone left you and you comited suicide. What a CATastrophe.
"How was your day?" "It was great" "what was so great about it?" "i saw a puppy" "awww" "and i ran over it :)"
i told siri my dog and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up and i said okay.she asked me knock knock and i said who is there and she said not your dog
What’s the difference between a dog and parents?
If an orphan calls their name only the dog comes back.
The last thing I said to my dog was Play dead
I met an orphan with a dog yesterday, I chose the dog
I hit something when i pulled into my driveway. and then i noticed that my cat was missing.
Why was the dog staying in the shade? Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat , but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
My dog died I'm so sad
What does a Male Asian P*rnstar like to say? "I love eating cat"
If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sour-puss.
I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters. He was a great πthon.
Very sad today found my pet mouse ' Elvis ' dead this morning, he was caught in a trap .
There once was a brother and a sister so one night it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brothers room and asks " can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared" the brother replies with " yea sure but just don't tell Mom" so the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boys penis and asks "what's that?" And the boy replies with "that's my pet snake" and the girl asks "can I pet it?" And the boy says "sure just don't tell Mom" and the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks "what happened" and the girl said "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit it's head off"
When I was a kid, my hamster died so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death too
What yellow and can’t swim Your dead fish
