Pet jokes
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.
Why can't you have a tall dog? You will have pups in a week.
When my dog barks, he gets ruff.
There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
My dog is named Max, and he likes to eat dog food. Therefore, everyone named Max likes to eat dog food.
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
Little Johnny got a dog without ears, and then they invited their neighbors over. Then they asked what his name was. The owners said, "We didn't name him anything, because there's no reason. Because when we called his name, he wouldn't come."
Why should you wrap your hamsters in duct tape?
So they don't explode when you f*** them.
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
What would you name your pet rabbit?
Harry.
What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter what you call it; it won’t come to you.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!
You are so cat.
Omg wassup dude, why does your hair look just like a young Whoopi Goldberg from "The Color Purple?" Them damn stanky looking corn bread rows on your head; you look like a damn cheetah pet. Che che che cheetah, they available at Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Target, and Kroger.
Q: What breed of dog is supposed to laugh at all of your jokes?
A: A Chihuahua.
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Can you walk the dog for me?
My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...