Pet jokes

I started crying when Dad was chopping onions.

Onions was a good dog.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.

She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

How do you pet a psychopath's cat?

You get it out of the microwave.

Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?

A: Either way they'll kill your dog.

First Man: My dog's got no nose.

Second Man: How does he smell?

First Man: Awful.

I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.

What do you do when you see a wiener dog?

I like you wiener.

Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.

I love ❤️ dogs.

What do you call a dog magician?

A labracadabrador.

Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.

Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?

Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.

Yo mama so hairy that when she go to the hair salon they say, "No pets allowed."

Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.

Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.

What looks like half a cat?

The other half.

I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆

Why can’t orphans have a house pet?

Because its parents have it to itself.

Q: What do you call a dog that stepped in its own shit?

A: I don't know.

What's wrong with Asian pet stores?

There's no pets.

You got a dig bick.

You read that wrong.

You read that wrong too.

Maybe you read that wrong as well.

You just went and back-checked.

You reread all of that.

You have a pet wussy.

You read that wrong...

You need mental help.