Pet jokes
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to his owner.
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
What has a dog?
People.
Me, smashes mouse after losing a match; everybody at the pet race: :O
So, one day I saw a dog outside, so I played with it. Then I was like, "I’m gonna see its name and where it lives." So I did. Then... its name was Momo. Then I looked to see where it lived. It said "Joe Momma Street."
What do you call a dog with 2 legs?
It doesn’t matter, it won’t come anyways.
My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.
My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.
Hey, can I axe you a question?
My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.
What did the skeleton say to his dog at dinner time? Bone appétit!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Anything you want; it won't chase you.
What did the rapper name his new DOG?
Lil Bark.
The fucking cat!
What did Joe Biden say to the dog? I'm gonna molest you.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter; it ain’t coming to you.
What did all the humans say when all the pets left town?
A doggone catastrophe!
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?
HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.