Pet jokes
What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!
First Man: My dog's got no nose.
Second Man: How does he smell?
First Man: Awful.
What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
I couldn't find my cat, and then my pillow started meowing.
How do you measure a dog's temperature?
In barking grade!
A day in the life of a Biden voter.
$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400...some day.
No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages.
$15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe.
50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol.
No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving.
Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports.
New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects.
Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up.
Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.
Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?
HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
Him: Hey girl, do you have pet insurance?
Her: Yes, why do you ask?
Him: Cuz I'm going to bang that pussy up!
What is a dog that does not walk? A magic dog.
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog? It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
My friend went to the zoo yesterday. There was only one dog in a crate.
He said it was a Shitzoo!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Can you walk the dog for me?
The last thing I said to my dog was,
"Play dead."
What do you call a mountain of kittens? A meowtain.
What do you call a dog with 2 legs?
It doesn’t matter, it won’t come anyways.