Pet jokes
I went to the zoo the other day and it only had one dog... yeah, it was a shih tzu.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.
What’s the difference between a dog and parents?
If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.
Dog: *frown*
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
What is a dog's favorite music?
Pup rock
I cried when my dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.
There were three cats. The first cat said, "Meow." The second cat said, "Meow." The third cat said, "Meow meow." Then the first cat said, "Don't change the subject!"
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:
Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.
(I would never do that though I love puppies)
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
I was crying because my dad was cutting onions...
Onions was a good dog.
What does Hellen Keller call her dog?
"NAUSHFBUYGWF"
I killed my cat.