Pet jokes
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to his owner.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he's not coming.
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
How do you measure a dog's temperature?
In barking grade!
My friend went to the zoo yesterday. There was only one dog in a crate.
He said it was a Shitzoo!
I say we shouldn’t do any jokes about dogs cause dogs are the best, but cats suck.
What's a rapper's favorite kind of pet?
A boomboxer.
What happens when you eat a cat?
I love to eat cats for dinner!
- What do you call a dog that can do magic?
- A labracadabrador.
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.
Is your middle name Fancy Feast?
'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!
What did the dog say to the other dog?
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
I’m part of the anti anime association, but I’m starting to like anime. What do I do?
And for the joke: What do you call a dog with no back legs and a pair of metal balls? Sparky.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?
A: Cowacat
B: Mooore
C: Cowacatfood