Pet jokes
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
Why don’t you have a pet cheetah?
There cheetah you.
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...
There is always a kitchen in the back.
I had a horse named Mayo, and sometimes Mayonnaise.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.
What do you call a dog that tells the time?
A watchdog.
READ THIS OUT LOUD:
This is this cat.
This is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is a busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
this is seconds cat.
NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.
Where do you mix a bunny and a hare?
Bunny hair.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.
What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.
Joe Biden said he was going to a petting zoo.
Trump said schools are not petting zoos.
What do dogs eat? Dog food.
I killed my cat.
There were ten cats in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left?
None, 'cause they are all copycats.
Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.
Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it. It ain't coming.