
Personal jokes
Person you don't know, my name.
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
Why did the suicidal person cross the road?
To slow down traffic!
When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.
Me: *listening to music under a tree and smiling*
Random person who sees me: Awwww look at him, he looks so so happy ^w^
Me: *actually listening to depressing music that makes me wanna kill and end myself but just smiles to show that everything's gonna be fine even if it won't*
Le start of a wonderful relationship!!!!!
Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*
Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.
Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.
You're so ugly you got stuff for free.
You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.
You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.
You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.
Why is a sick person and California similar? They tend to burn up.
What's a suicidal person's favorite drink?
The depressay expressay.
Just kidding, bleach!
What do you call a person that guards a Samsung store?
A Guardian Of The Galaxy :)
Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
What do Nemo and Emily's dad have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.
Person 1: A life.
Person 2: I don't get it.
Person 1: Exactly.
I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?
I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.
The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.
Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.
That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.
Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.
Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.
But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.
What has two names and one big home?
A person.
