Personal jokes
Why did the little boy cry? He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy!
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk, but only one person knows about it.
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
Random person: "Just turn the page and start over."
Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."
The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”.
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
Normal person: "I'm perfect!"
Goth person: "Nobody is."
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?
He won a no-bell prize.
Control tower to Boeing 747, you're clear to land on (said person)'s forehead.
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.