Personal jokes
I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"
What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?
A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?
A parent.
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
Don't go to ghostposter.com. The person or persons who run that site are a fucking bunch if dumb fucking cunts who can suck my big cock.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What's the difference between a black person and an apple?
An apple chooses to hang.
Why did the nose cross the road to find the person who "nose"?
What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?
Carlos.
Me: Your ugly...
Person: I'm not your mirror...
Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p
Why did the depressed person cross the road?
To get run over.
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
A handicapped person was making fun of me, so I walked away.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
What do you say when a person trips?
You say, "Why you trippin'?"
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.
What did one cheese say to the other cheese?
"Hello, it's a nice day, do you have any plans on what you're going to do?"... The other cheese was taken back by his politeness and friendliness, they agreed to meet again, and were soon married and lived happily ever after. Let this tale of the two cheeses inspire you to be a better person.
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.