Personal Jokes

What's a depressed person's favorite drink? A depresso espresso.

It's cyanide.

How do you help a suicidal person cheer up? You Tell them its a leap of faith

I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.

Gravity sure is fast

The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk but only one person knows about it.

How to complement a depressed person: I like your cuts g

Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you”

Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what”

You know it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise it's just a missing person.

The only time you see a depressed person lifted up - when they hang themselves.

What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?

They both hang...

a short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them, the fat person just has to lean slightly and its 911 all over again.

One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there. Where are the others?

They're in his freezer.

Isn't gwen the most thoughtful person?

Me and a person downtown.

Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.

Me: I guess so.

Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?

Me: I don't know. I used too, but don't anymore.

Person: why'd you stop?

Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.

people call me a bad person but just the other day i saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents , i love working at the orphanage

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school and the teacher replies "are you that same person who took Jimmy?" the man replies "yes" and the teacher says "Take susie too she's being a little bitch."

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriends dick, but It's a private joke.

Rules of Dark humor: 1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits. 2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes. 3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that. I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site. - Sincerely, Zane

Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great

Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident. They’ll hear the one word they hate the most. “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE”