Personal jokes
Random person: "Just turn the page and start over."
Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?
He won a no-bell prize.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
me when my friend brings another person you despise with your whole body.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.
Control tower to Boeing 747, you're clear to land on (said person)'s forehead.
To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."
Teacher: Take a seat, class.
Wheelchair person: I've been in the seat.
The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
What's a mentally retarded person's favorite color? Clear.
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
Person 1: "Where was Hiroshima?"
Person 2: "In Japan."
Person 1: "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.
A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy!
What can you give a white person that you can't give to a black person?
A black eye.
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.