Personal jokes
Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"
Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Did you hear the one about the deaf person?
Me: No.
That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.
I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
What do you call a person who cares for chickens?
A chicken tender.
When you think about it, Hitler wasn’t a bad person. He killed Hitler.
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?
A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?
A parent.
What's the difference between a black person and an apple?
An apple chooses to hang.
One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.
After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.
Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-
Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."
Orphan: And I took that, personally.
A funny joke scenario.
Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.
Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.
Me: Your ugly...
Person: I'm not your mirror...
Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.