Personal jokes

The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.

Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.

Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.

Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.

Amber: Fine!!!!!

I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.

Gravity sure is fast.

What person can't work at a family business? An orphan.

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

There's a plane crash. Every single person died.

Who lived? The married people!

You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?

All of them are married!

So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.

When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.

Ok, so I know most or all of you guys hate me, and that's fine. You guys most likely know me as a horrible person, which I don't know where you would hear that from.

And finally, I am truly a good person; you just need to know me better. The only reason I fought Tina and Jack was because I was trying to be nice to another guy. Then I realized what side I should have been on. I'm pretty sure everyone on this hates me. Just I'm sorry, and just forgive me. Alya, Tina, Jack, and someone else, I think all are nice people; they just stick up for each other, and that's what I realized. So if you still hate me, it's fine; I'll be leaving this app soon, maybe. Hate makes me sad, even though I use it, but I know what was wrong. I want to join the good side, so just give a chance. This was watersharky's Apologies.

Person 1: Do you know Imagine Dragons?

Person 2: Yeah.

Person 1: Imagine draggin' these nuts across your face!

To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."

God said the first person to kill Hitler goes to heaven.

Hitler: Kills himself.

What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?

They're both hanging from a tree.

If you looked in the mirror, you would see an ugly person, which is you.

Sorry, no adults allowed.

Only 3 per person.

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.

By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.

My name is Mariah Carly Brown, and I am an orphan, and what do I say about your jokes that are not funny... STOP THEM!

Dark humor is mean! All day I go to see all the jokes I find, and I see "Orphan jokes."

What kind of sick person likes that kind of joke? By the way, it is not a question. I have 3 twin sisters! Lariah, Kariah, and Iariah! Iariah starts with an i! So stop the jokes, please!

What has legs but can't walk?

Don't know? A paralyzed person ;))

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.