Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
Yo mama so fat, she doesn't count as 1 person bro, she counts as 40 people.
What's the difference between a dog from an Asian person and a cat from an Asian person?
Only the taste.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?
A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
What do you call an Afghanistan person In a bath? A bath bomb
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
Yah, hurtful towards you. Bro took it personally, literally.
A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*