What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).
What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?
A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
Yah, hurtful towards you. Bro took it personally, literally.
A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?
dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.
morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.