Personal jokes
What's the difference between a dog from an Asian person and a cat from an Asian person?
Only the taste.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.
If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.
What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).
What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?
A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).
What do you call a person who measures air? Airometer.
What do you call a fat Chinese person that talks way too much? Panda Express.
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
What do you call an Afghanistan person in a bath?
A bath bomb.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
Yah, hurtful towards you. Bro took it personally, literally.
Orphan lady: Ok kids, someone donated groceries.
Orphans: YAY!
5 minutes later...
Orphans: Wait... where's the...
Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter*
Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe
A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-