Person jokes
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
What do you call a depressed person?
Me.
Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
People call me a bad person, but just the other day I saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents. I love working at the orphanage.
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
If a deaf person is missing fingers, is it a speech impediment or an accent?
what do you call a white person having a seizure?
a vanilla shake.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
What do EMO kids use as birth control? Their Personalities.
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!
The gayest person on Earth is Pac-Man.
You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."