Person jokes
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.
When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.
What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?
Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)
Random person: "Just turn the page and start over."
Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
I was gonna walk up to an emo and say, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"
Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?