Person Jokes

What’s one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?

“Hang in there!”

Person 1: stop making suicidal jokes!? Person 2: okay okay, I’ll cut it out. Person 1: really? Person 2: their not even that deep.

How to kill a blind person. Give them a gun and tell them its a hairdryer.

The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born.

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down ..."

What do u call a depressed person

Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time

people call me a bad person but just the other day i saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents , i love working at the orphanage

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school and the teacher replies "are you that same person who took Jimmy?" the man replies "yes" and the teacher says "Take susie too she's being a little bitch."

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. ̈You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you? ̈ The Cuban simply says, ̈See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap. ̈ The other passengers are reassured and respond with, ̈Oh, OK. ̈

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. ̈You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you? ̈ The Russian simply states, ̈See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap. ̈ Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, ̈Ah, yes! Of course. ̈

The American scratches his head and goes, ̈I think I see the pattern here. ̈ So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window! ̈