What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
Person Jokes
What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
I was gonna walk up to an emo and say, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"
How to kill a blind person.
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.
There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.
Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
What do you call a depressed person?
Me.
Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
