Performance jokes
Dude, Mississippi got a better K/D ratio than you.
Why did the actor fall through the floor?
He was just going through a stage!
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
Memes
why th
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
What is a group of singing terrorists called? A Taliband.
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
To get to the opera.
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?
Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.
My impression of Michael Jackson's butler:
When answering the phone: "No, sorry, he's dead." *hangs up phone*
Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.
A drum rolled down a hill. Ba-dum-tsssh!
Why was the emo kicked out of the circus?
Because he was cutting in line!