Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.
My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke
I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up perform fellatio
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with Cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The non stop dancer". It is very funny but it is made even funnier by Dudley moors, drunken and stoned laughter through the song. One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio but they are adlibbing and extremely drunk.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
It ain't always having erectile dysfunction but it sure as hell ain't hard
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian and I know how to BAKEon breakfast
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune." Im a banjo picker and I can confirm this is 99% true.
How do rappers greet each other?
With a MIC CHECK, ONE-TWO
What did the rapper name his new DOG?
Lil Bark
What do you call a midget stripper
A pocket pussy
Hey Yall, You want to read something funny. Then look up greater tuna OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID(Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.
John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater." Fiancee:Break a leg
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: You're doing standup tonight right?* Noob Joker (you): *Yes I am!* Owner: Get onto the stage Me: *walks up stage* Owner: this is the standup comedian noobpro Me: HEY GUYS HOW ABOUT SOME DONALD TRUMP Crowd: *RUNS*
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat. The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools the hat was covering the hips
Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert?
Because he didn't want to get LOST in the FLOW
