Why don’t rappers ever get lost?
They always have a SICK FLOW to follow.
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?
Standing ovation!
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?
He woke up and found out it was true.
Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?
Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)
Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.
Me: *Confused*
Sister: They're both horrible.
You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.
What's the difference between Lana Del Rey and Milli Vanilli?
Milli Vanilli won a Grammy.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?
Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?
Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!
Why did the rapper bring a basketball to the concert?
To drop some SLAM DUNKS on the mic!
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he wanted to drop higher bars!
