Performance jokes
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.
How do you make a juggler laugh? You tickle his balls.
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
Why was the emo kicked out of the circus?
Because he was cutting in line!
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
I started an emo salsa band. We're called Hispanic at the Disco.
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.
I don't know, my friend did it.
It ain't always having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.
Why did the rapper become a magician?
Because he wanted to drop some ILL-USIONS.
Stephen Hawking can't walk the walk or talk the talk.
Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.
My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.