Performance jokes
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.
I’m a clown...
And everyone knows.
Why don’t rappers ever get lost?
They always have a SICK FLOW to follow.
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good luck finding someone who’s always in the booth!
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
What's the best finger for fingering A minor?
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
Why don't gay Greek men in Greece perform anilingus on each other?
Because anilingus between two gay men is against the law in Greece.
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?
Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!
What’s a rapper’s favorite type of SHOE?
Ad-lib-idas.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he wanted to drop higher bars!
Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
Why did the rapper bring a basketball to the concert?
To drop some SLAM DUNKS on the mic!
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?
Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.