Performance jokes

Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?

Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!

Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?

Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.

Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?

Guarded.

Why did the rapper bring a basketball to the concert?

To drop some SLAM DUNKS on the mic!

Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?

He woke up and found out it was true.

Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?

Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)

Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.

Me: *Confused*

Sister: They're both horrible.

What's the difference between Lana Del Rey and Milli Vanilli?

Milli Vanilli won a Grammy.

Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?

Because every play has a cast! Get it? Lol.

What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?

Standing ovation!

You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.

Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”

Because every play has a cast.

"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."

He wasn't that bad.

I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."

What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."