Performance jokes
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good luck finding someone who’s always in the booth!
Why did the rapper go to space?
Because he wanted to drop some INTERGALACTIC BARS!
Why are Mexicans so bad in the Olympics?
Because all the ones that can run, jump, and swim live in America.
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler!
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert?
To find his way to the top of the CHARTS.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "She was a little tardy."
I asked her, "I thought they all were."
What’s a rapper’s favorite martial art?
Punchlines.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..." The room was full of arm amputees.
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
Why did the rapper go to the beach?
To catch some sick WAVES of applause!
🤔 ❓ How do lesbians 😳 practice safe 🙏 sex they put condoms on dildos and then they put dildos inside of their 👄 👄 👄 mouths and then they perform fellatio on them
Stephen Hawking is a real stand up guy, out-standing performance.
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
My impression of Michael Jackson's butler:
When answering the phone: "No, sorry, he's dead." *hangs up phone*
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."