Performance Jokes

I suck his dick with a smile for hours at a time.

Stare at his nutsack while I hold back my cum tonight.

And when he ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle." (And when they ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle.")

But the fact is I can never get off of his fat dick. And all that they can ask is (Ask is, ask is) "I just wanna smack it" (I just wanna smack it)

Here's what the fact is He can put my asshole in a casket (Yuh, yuh, yuh) Asshole in a casket

So you can see I'm cummin' But you won't see me nut. And I'll just keep on suckin', I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)

And if he sucks my glizzy I will become dizzy But it keeps us busy, I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)

I've been twerking for boys for so long I've been flirting with boys for so long

My jaw's been hurting for so, so long it's real So long, it's real, so long, it's real

What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.

Dude, Mississippi got a better K/D ratio than you.

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: You're doing standup tonight right?* Noob Joker (you): *Yes I am!* Owner: Get onto the stage Me: *walks up stage* Owner: this is the standup comedian noobpro Me: HEY GUYS HOW ABOUT SOME DONALD TRUMP Crowd: *RUNS*

Did u here about the emo kid who audition for the school play?

He made the cut

Why was the emo kicked out of the circus? Because he was cutting in line!

Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.

What's the best finger for fingering A minor?

Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.

Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.

What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?

The viola burns longer.

ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG

Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.

Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.

Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.

I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.

Q: I have a fish that can breakdance! A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

How do emo bands prepare for their shows?

They self-harmonize.

Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln

Why did the orphan become a stripper?

So she could have someone to call daddy.

My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.

If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.

It isn't any of those if it's suicide.