Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
What is a group of singing terrorists called? A Taliband.
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.
The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
What comedy skill canβt any cripple master?
Stand up.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair? Hot wheels
Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?
Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)
Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.
Me: *Confused*
Sister: They're both horrible.
Your dad went on America's Got Talent for "smoothest way to leave their child."
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
What goes up but never goes down?
My grades.
(I wish)
I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.
Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?
He woke up and found out it was true.
Please welcome Mozart's The Magic Flute...
In A minor.
Did you hear about that musical that was sung by some obsidian?
It rocked!
Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
To get to the opera.
Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!
- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!
Better than Elanga?
Singing in the shower is fun, until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it's a soap opera.
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
