*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: You're doing standup tonight right?* Noob Joker (you): *Yes I am!* Owner: Get onto the stage Me: *walks up stage* Owner: this is the standup comedian noobpro Me: HEY GUYS HOW ABOUT SOME DONALD TRUMP Crowd: *RUNS*
Did u here about the emo kid who audition for the school play?
He made the cut
Why was the emo kicked out of the circus? Because he was cutting in line!
2 magicians were in a competition the first one did magic and the second started counting down 3 2 but before he said the last number he 1
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom Give me fire Give me contract Or I retire
Jog all day Out of UCL now FC Barcelona I need you now
Villarreal defenders They surround me Big submarines All around me
I get upset Call my agent I want money I’m impatient
My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today. Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.
You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rappiest with erectile disfunction
how do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize
Have you seen the inside of Ford's theatre it will blow your mind~abraham Lincoln
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
So she could have someone to call daddy.
My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke
I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.
I started an emo salsa band We're called Hispanic at the Disco
👍🏼
You raise me up to stand on mountains said the drawf pornstar on my penis
once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shelleriouse.
Why can't disabled people make jokes?
Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy, isn't it?
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good but I loved the execution.
what is the one thing cripples can't do......stand up comedy
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian and I know how to BAKEon breakfast
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy
Q : Why did the ballerina get kicked off the stage at the performance?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.
There was once a spanish magician, he said," Uno,, Dos..." and he dissapppeared without a tres
