Perfect jokes

Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.

Why does Trump "not" wear glasses? Because he's got 20/20 vision!

COP: Are you high?

ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*

COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.

What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?

Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)

Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!

Yo, edgeline go so far back that I can now mow a lawn perfectly.

Nothing is funny about the Name who died an agonizing death, was mocked, spit on, and humiliated all because we were sinners and God saved us so we could be free from the punishment of sin.

Jesus is sinless and perfect and loving. How dare you!

No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either.

It's just true.

To be the perfect German, you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbels, and as blonde as Hitler.

Masochists and sadists are made for each other.

What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.

Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."

"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."

The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.

"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."

A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.

The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said, "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today, so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."

The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanked Dolly and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever, and flushed it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."

Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations, and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode, and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."

Which is Ronaldo's favorite son, Matteo or Cristiano Junior?

Neither. His favorite is San Marino, perfect for stat-padding with tap-ins and penalties!

Person: What's your perfect date look like?

Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.

What do you say to a bully?

I might not be perfect, but at least I'm not you!

I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.

Everyone: "Wow, you're so nice and perfect! Your life must be great!"

*Reality of having depression* Me: "Oh yeah, I guess. 😀"

A Snorlax was in a bar, and he was drinking beer when an Eevee and a Rockruff hopped onto a stool. The Eevee ordered an oran berry special for the both of them.

Snorlax: Y'all make the perfect couple.

Random Zorua: Dragonite, is it just an illusion, or is that Snorlax fatter than this region?

If the shoe fits perfectly, why did it fall off?