You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?
Go look in the mirror.
Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
What did the blind man fight in the bar?
The coat rack.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
Guess who I saw at school today?
Everyone I looked at. loooooooool
Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
You know what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.
The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.
Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
What is blue but smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
