Perception jokes

Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.

Your head was mistaken for a chicken wing.

You're so ugly that if you looked in the mirror, you would walk into the light.

If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

A fat man meets a skinny man.

The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

I thought that kid was walking cool when I had my ears shut. It turns out he was moaning.

You're so skinny that your mom had to use a whole shampoo bottle on your head, but she still couldn’t find you.

Look over there, I say to a man... he was blind. /ratio /bozo /ratio

I wasn't looking at you, your big forehead was distracting me.

You are so blind, even a spider can see better than you.

Your face needs to be put in the trash so people don't need to suffer.

Your face is so big that not even you can see it.

Ted stinks!

I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.

Dark humor is like parents. Not everyone gets it.

Dark jokes aren't funny... I can't see them at all.

My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...

Have you ever seen a blind man swim?

Neither has he.

How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.