People jokes
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
What makes sad people jump? A bridge.
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?
There is a small medium at large.
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don't get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!"
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
To the people who have seen "Meet The Fockers" at the movies and they hated it, Fock You, Motherfockers!
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."
I know it's really, really, really, really bad.
Why do Japanese people hate Christmas?
Because the last time a "FatMan" went down their chimney they lost half of their population.
Jokes are like people. Some don't like the dark ones.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
People claim that Trump has Russian ties.
FAKE NEWS!
All of Trump's ties are made in China.
Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?
So gay people can play Star Wars.
What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans.
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.