People jokes
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dadβoh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
Apparently, rich people have the smallest penises. It makes sense why Bill Gates called it "MicroSoft."
Blossom: Why are we dating the Rowdyruffs when we're technically siblings?
Bubbles:...
Buttercup: I don't know, but those people over there are lookin' at us weird.
Alabama: π
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
Why did so many people die in the Grenfell Fire Disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.
After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg?
TY-WON-SHO
(Tie one shoe)
Why do you have to pay to see Russian people?
Because the zoo is not free, Duhhhhhπ
Orphans and Chinese people canβt play baseball. The orphans canβt find home, and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.
Yo mama so fat, she doesn't count as 1 person bro, she counts as 40 people.
I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."π¦
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." π―π±
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." πΆπ
Toes for hoes.
Your mama's breath smells so bad, people can't wait for her to fart.