People jokes

What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?

Motherfuckers.

How do homeless people punish their children?

What are their children going to do? Go to their room?

I've got not much of anything to be honest.

Been in special classes in school.

Not liked by people.

Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me.

31 years old and never had sex, pathetic.

Not very smart.

Don't look good.

Hate myself more than anything.

Been a failure at everything in life.

Probably be alone forever.

People treat me like crap.

Can't do anything right.

And the list goes on and on.

So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet? The answer is, I forget. I'm a extreme procrastinator, keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway.

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.

How sad and pathetic is it that all you wait for after you finish a suicidal joke is for people to like your joke, but you know you'll just be a failure at that as well?

Why do people want to jump off buildings?

Because they want to become Superman.

My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

I have a joke about lazy people!

Actually... forget it... it won't work.

Who were the people that survived 9/11?

The ones who decided it would be a good idea to jump.

How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

(People will then say "r")

Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.

I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.

Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"

Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."

You know orphans are kinda like a house with no people in it.

Because it’s empty inside.

You people who look at this sight, shame on you, fucking idiots!

Imagine being such a low life that you need people to roast you to have stuff to do.

Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?

Because they'll cause a car crash.

You learn something new every day.

Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.

If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.