Parent Jokes

What do u call it when a orphan takes a family photo? a selfie

horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent

A kid is watching tv and sees an ad about adopting an animal,he then turns to his mother and says “do we have to adopt a donkey” “no” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it......we adopted you”.

My son asked me how i'm so clean,"inside out.". I told him because of bleach. the next day I found him drinking the bleach.

Teacher: Where were you born? Student: The highway Teacher: What do you mean Student: I don't know my mom says thats were all the accidents happen.

What does a transgender call his/her parent? Transparent.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing while a man named Chris comes up and asks “which one is yours?” The man said “I don’t know i’m still deciding.”

If u want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents. Double! Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere! Triple! Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasnt wearing his seatbelt.

A kid asks hims mom "mom how much do you love me" the mother responds with "i love you as much as i love your brother" the kid looks confused and says "but i don't have a brother" the mother smiles and says "well i guess my love is not existing

Nurse: Don't worry i'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yea, i always abort them. Parent:... Parent: Your hired

I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.

How did helen kellers parents punish her?

By rearranging the furniture

Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes? Because they are aimed at a younger audience.

Today a child asked if I was an angle, I asked why and he said "mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."