Overeating jokes

Why did the bike fall over?

'Cause it was wheely tired.

After all these walkers, you still walk over me.

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.

He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.

When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.

It happened too fast, he watched the very last.

Next he died, eaten all fried.

What is black, white, and red all over?

My third wife.

Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?

Because he rolled over to the other side!

What's black and white and red all over?

A massacre at a funeral.

I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."

What would Stephen Hawking do to get drunk?

Overcharge himself.

If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay?

Bagels.

I almost got run over by a car.

For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."

I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"

I saw a bicycler flip over a gutter. It was pretty grate.

A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."

I used to have a fear of hurdles.

But I got over it.

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.

What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abortion.

How do you make a baby cry?

You run over it with a lawn mower.