Overeating jokes

Your momma's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean.

What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)

Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.

I was working at the bank today when an old lady came up to me and asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."

Why do seagulls not fly over the bay?

Because if they did, they'd be bay gulls.

What has 2 legs and is red all over?

Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.

Bend over and spell run.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.

The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."

"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."

"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."

Why did the boy get run over?

Sally was driving.

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run"?

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.

Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?

Sanity to live: I don't know?

Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!

Sanity to live? *dies*

Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.

Sanity to live: *resurrected*

Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...

(sponsored by jumping bridges)

I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.

About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."

I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."

Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"

What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.

My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.

Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.