Outing Jokes

How do you make holy water?

You take normal water, and boil the hell out of it.

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

how do you get a depressed man out of the tree, you cut the rope

I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Some times I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

My ex boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket check out for fun.

“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless”

I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.

Found out I’m worth $3.97

Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.

I was walking down the street and I punched of a white guy and then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

i only cut to find out if im real or cake

My brother is ugly one time he stuck his head out the window, the police arrested for mooning

An Autistic Chef made Hamburgers out of Donkey meat.

He called them: "ASPERGER'S"

what do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? a numb skull! -sans

My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that i've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.

Having an abortion will make you so tired.... it literally sucks the life out you.

Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J," Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter " go bye your self something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice," they both look at craig as he pulls out a letter. craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THER BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throughs down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"