Outing jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jill could whack off Jack. Jill yelled out, "Jack, where is your sack?"

Said, "I'm not Jack, I'm your friend Nancy."

If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:

1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?

2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?

3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?

4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?

5. Was this funny?

Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

How do skyscrapers make friends?

They reach out.

Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.

I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.

What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.

What did Spiderman say on September 11th, 2001?

"Look out, Here comes the Spiderman!"

Yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out, it got rug burn.

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.

Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.

Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"

Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?

Unemployed.

If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.

You're so fat, when you wear a yellow raincoat, people call out, "TAXI!"