Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and whent up to her mom and asked "mom I have hair on my privates,what is it?" "OH honey thats your monkey." The mom says So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says "my monkey has hair on it" so the sister replies with a laugh "you think thats cool my monkey is already eating bananas
My wife is a whore so I pimped her out and broke her mentally and emotionally, taught her a good lesson of being a real woman loyal to her man, end of story you women are bitches
I had a dissability where I kept pronouncing my g as an r, so one day, I said I liked Grapes. Of course, I pronounced it I like Rapes. I was kicked out of preshool.
Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
'I built a big house for our mum,' said the first.
'I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,' said the second.
And the third smiled and said, 'I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.'
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
'The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.'
To the second son she said, 'I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.'
To the third son she wrote 'Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!'
are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? cuz damn, you look like you came out of a dream.
whats braver than coming out gay ? taking a shit in a elementary school bathroom with those 2 kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.
You're so fat when people see you running they can't help but yell out "keep running"
FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook she literally posts everyday but this day was sort kind of a hard hit. so what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85 and i dont want to explain what milf means but she got a lot of DM Μs from a lot of old guys. BUT, This one exact guy names Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do a adult film. idk what that is i think its a adult movie of course so she says yes and flys out to San Diego And she never came back after yesterday. and to YOU Johnny Sins my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be a adult movie and not a Por...
What is the best way to get chewing gum out of you hair Cancer
Little Johnny is in class one day and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says what's so funny? He said I can see your bra strap. The teacher says don't come back to class for a week, so he get up and walked out. A few minutes later little Billy starts laughing, and she ask what's funny now? Little Billy said I can see both of your bra straps. The teacher says get out of my class room for a month. So little Billy got pissed he walked out and slammed the door, this scared the teacher and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up then she stood back up and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked where do you think your going? He said well teach after what I saw I'm done with school for a lifetime.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry. You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
Yo mama is so ugly she walked in a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
Simpsons.
Meet the Simpsons.
They're the greatest modern family.
From the town of Springfield.
They're a page right out of history.
my mum told me to take out the trash but i couldnβt find you
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
What touches kids and is made out of plastic? Michael Jackson here hee
Hereβs another joke my friend told me.
What did the school shooter do when the libraryin told him to be quit? Pulled out a silencer.
A man got pulled over and the policeman had stepped out and said do you know how fast you were going and the man said I was trying to catch up with the traffic and the officer said there is no traffic the man said exactly thatβs how far behind I am
the romans conquered Africa,the conquered Europe, they conquered Britain. then they stopped probably ran out of conkers
The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest. He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.
