Outing jokes
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.
They have to come out of the closet sometime.
What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?
Van Halen's "Jump."
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
ISIS recently brought out a new shampoo.
Head and Shoulders!
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
What is the worst part about siblings having sex?
Being left out.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
💪 💪 🏋️♂️ What do you get when you cross a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a bukkake slut, and a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a sex worker?
Cum Junkie.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.