I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
What’s a rapper’s favorite computer key?
The space bar... it lets them space out their rhymes!
How is blessed with a 9 inch dick That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the kitchen?
Because he kept dropping the BEETS
What do you get when you cross cow DNA with human DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the library?
Because he was too loud with his FLOW.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
Rate these races out of 10/10:
White 10/10
Hispanic 8/10
Black 0/10
Why did the rapper take the bus to the studio?
Because their car ran out of RHYME.
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.
(Extra Cholesterol)
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.
I was walking down the street and I punched of a white guy and then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the grocery store?
He kept dropping the BEETS!
