Otherness jokes

What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.

Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!

Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!

I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?

Kurt Cobain's microphone.

People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.

Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing. They just waved.

Did you sea what I did there?

What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?

"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"

How do skeletons make love?

They bone each other!

What did one hurricane say to the other?

"I got my EYE on you!"

I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.

How do rappers greet each other?

With a "Mic check, one-two."

What’s the difference between Rosa Parks and Muhammad Ali?

One fought for freedom, the other fought for fun.

Orphans are so unwanted that when One Direction saw one, it went the other direction.

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.

What did the constipated bum say to the other bum?

Piss don't s**t on me!

LMAO, what is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?

One's fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other's just a watermelon.

How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?

Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.

Masochists and sadists are made for each other.

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?

We are both lawyers.