Otherness jokes
You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
Q. Why did Josh Duggar cross the road?
A. There was a daycare on the other side.
My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?
There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"
Two muffins are in an oven.
One says, "Man, it is hot in here!"
The other one says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"
HARRY POTTER MEMES
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other site? Ah hah hah hah hah!
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
Why did the rock not risk going to the other side of the road?
It's a damn rock, mate. It's not gonna walk!
DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!
Lancaster: Are you sure about that?
DB: huh?
Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!
DB: WHAT!?
Penta Barrel: I got 5!
DB: *insert becoming uncanny*
Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!
The others: HOW!?
*and that's how an argument started.*
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
What's the difference between me and the rest of America?
I love one and hate the other.
Okay, I'm on my last nerve when people say "Water Shark Guy" and other things THAT ARE NOT MY NAME.
This is my name: watersharky!
What did the egg say to the other egg?
"You crack me up!" 😂
One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”
What's the difference between a cunnilinguist and a Ritz?
One is a snack cracker.
The other, a crack snacker.
What is the difference between cunnilingus and a confused Parisian tourist?
One lapses into French, the other Frenches into laps.
Random guy: Do you know Dee?
Other dude: Who’s Dee?
Random guy: Dee Snuts!
Why do anions hate each other?
Because they can't handle the negativity!
What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourself!