When does a cub become a Boy Scout?
When he eats his first brownie.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Craps on your organ.
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
NASA stands for... National Adult S3x Association.
I wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor. I need some parts for my laptop.
You don't need brains to be a Boss.
When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.
Recent attempts to defund Special Olympics have organizers scrambling to come up with more corporate sponsorship... targeted companies include:
Kleenex
Depends
Bicycle Helmet manufacturers
Velcro Shoe manufacturers
Steven Hawkings Publishers
Why did the little girl flush herself down the toilet?
Because she wanted to join the Brownies.
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
What does NASA mean? No Apes Submit Astronauts.
I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.
I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."
How do NASA plan parades?
They plan-et.
Do you know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"?
No, it screeches.
What is a card carrying lesbian feminist?
A carpet muncher who is a card carrying member of the National Organization For Women.
Why is Stephen Hawking an organ donor?
Because he saved 200 computers!
T-Series.
How to get rich:
Step 1: Tell an orphan he will get a family.
Step 2: Knock out the orphan.
Step 3: Cut open the orphan.
Step 4: Well there [are] organs.
Step 5: Do it again.
And nobody will call the cops 'cause they got no family.
What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?
Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.
What’s blue and comes in brownies?
Cub Scouts.
