Open jokes

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.

What do you call an orphan that has a brother? The second one without one.

JFK tried meditating. He told everyone he is very open-minded.

Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.

Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the playground?

A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.

A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."

The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.

How do you scare a lot of people in New York?

Open a mobile hotspot named "Delta Inflight Wifi."

I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.

What did the bee say to the flower?

"Hey bud! When do you open?"

Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.

Me: Ok.

*Ring*

Me: Opens the door.

Oh sh*t!

Mom: Gets flip flop.

A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"

So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.

Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!

So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.

“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.

“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.

So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”

“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”

What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?

Nothing because they can't open the gift.

My mom told me to get a job, so I did.

One day my mom saw me, I had money. My mom asked me where did you get that money? My mom asked me where did you get that money. I said I got a job in the neighborhood. My mom asked me what do you do, so I said when you take showers I secretly open the door, and I let the guys come and see you one by one, and I get paid for it.

My mom said you're growing up so fast, & I said back to my mom that is what the guys say when they see you in the shower.

Papa: Johnny, Johnny.

Johnny: Yes, Papa?

Papa: Open wide.

Johnny: HAHAHA.

Papa: *unzips pants*

Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!

A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.

When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.

"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.