Open Jokes

what did the girl with no hands get for her birthday....we don't know she hasn't opened it yet

knock knock. who's there? the FBI. the FBI who? are you dumb its the f#cking FBI now open up

why cant orphans open a family business. because there is no family

my sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said "pick one"

Why did the rapper open a bakery?

To drop some SWEET BEATS

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone"

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping and I was starving so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times but nothing new was in their

Yankee doodle went to town riding on a pony, he opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.

JFK tried meditating he told everyone he is very open-minded.

What do you call an open that has a brother the second one without one

I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.

A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one." The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.

Women be like chivalry is dead then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day... Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away... I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand... When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.