One jokes
How did two retarded people get ran over in one second?
They're my friends.
What's the one upside to being an orphan?
You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
I have a green ball in one hand and one in the other. What am I holding?
Shrek's dick.
I’m working on a good pun, but it makes no one laugh.
Why?
I don’t have a clue.
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.
There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.
God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
"And here comes the second one!"
(True story)
One day Sally's mom said, "I can just eat you up!" And Sally says, "No, you can't!" Then the mom asks why and Sally says, "Because I'm a beaner, and we don't taste good."
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Why can’t balls move? Because no one is there to voice them around.
What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?
A meter stick.
You're in One Piece because they're looking for your hairline.
One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"
One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"
His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."
The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."
One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"
A donut is not empty inside, that was a hole in the middle. If I'm a donut, the hole used to be where I put my feeling and happiness, but people snatch it away from me.
Anyway, can someone put a hole in my physical body too? I kinda wanted to see people cry for me just like how people cry for Ace from One Piece.