One

One jokes

Day

    • One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny's papers, she asked why he put the word "bank" in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word bank and that's one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”

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    • Ruler

    • One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

    Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

    Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

    Prick

    • Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.

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    • One memes

    Dwarf

    • One time I walked into a room and I saw a man and a dwarf, and I soon found out that the man was the dwarf's father, and I noticed that the dwarf really looked up to him.

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    • Parrot

    • A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

    They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

    The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

    The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.

    The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.

    When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.

    The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."

    The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"

    The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"

    The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"

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    • Orphanage

    • So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"

    Why can't he say that?

    Answer: He works at an orphanage.

    Tree

    • One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"

    Dildo

    • So Joe was at the store and he was looking for a dildo.

    Then he saw one made out of dick skin, so he grabbed it and uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UhuhUhUhUhUhuHuHuHuHUHUHUHUHUHUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH went his mouth.

    PENIS PENIS

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    • Prison

    • So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

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    • Sister

    • One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.

    So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.

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    • Coffin

    • When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

    So they can let me down one last time.

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    • Recipe

    • The Hodja purchased a piece of meat at the market, and on his way home he met a friend.

    Seeing the Hodja's purchase, the friend told him an excellent recipe for stew.

    "I'll forget it for sure," said the Hodja. "Write it on a piece of paper for me."

    The friend obliged him, and the Hodja continued on his way, the piece of meat in one hand and the recipe in the other. He had not walked far when suddenly a large hawk swooped down from the sky, snatched the meat, and flew away with it.

    "It will do you no good!" shouted the Hodja after the disappearing hawk. "I still have the recipe!"

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    • Song

    • This is the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ

    "He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." My father told me when I was just a child, "These are the nights that never die." My father told me."

    Whenever I think about it deeply, it makes me wanna cry :(