One jokes

Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?

A: "Hit me baby one more time."

Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?

So no one would know what side he was on.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

How does Osama feed his child? "Here comes the airplane, here comes another one."

You should go soul searching. Maybe you'll find one.

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

Why do animators like Christianity?

Because Jesus was the one who invented T-Pose.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.

Why am I so successful?

When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option.

Yo mama so fat, when she made a joke, only one person laughed at it: the pavement. It was absolutely cracking up!

Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?

The Twin Towers ordered a sesame bagel. They got the plane one instead.

What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.