One jokes

What do Call of Duty and Al-Qaeda goals have in common?

You’ve got to get more than one down.

We found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than my dad.

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.

Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?

A: "Hit me baby one more time."

How does Osama feed his child? "Here comes the airplane, here comes another one."

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.

This is how big cats were named.

"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."

"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."

Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?

So no one would know what side he was on.

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.

If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.