One jokes
I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.
What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.
What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
One time I killed Sam, Stan, and Gran on Roblox, and she was really mad.
What rock has four men that don't sing?
One Direction.
One time, I was making a caramel apple.
When I mistook 1 gallon of caramel for 1 camel!
I was watching the London Marathon one year, and I saw two runners in costumes. One of them was dressed a chicken and the other dressed as an egg. I thought: "This'll be interesting."
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
Me: I will f**k ur mom.
Orphan: I don't have one.
Me: ......
What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?
One of the missions succeeded.
One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.
The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"
The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
One day, a leaf asks Mom, "Mom, why am I named Leaf?"
Mom says, "Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head."
The next day, Feather asks Mom, "Mommy, why am I named Feather?"
Mom says, "When you were a baby, a feather fell on your head."
The next day, Brick asks Mom, "Rhsisvrkanx!"
Mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.
She's not the only one who can play that game.
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.
I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!