One jokes
So Kenny finally found his one true love.
But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.
Q. What do a one-story house and an Alzheimer's victim have in common? A. Nothing going on upstairs.
Which one of Lord Arthur's knights invented the round table?
Sir Cumference.
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
What is the difference between an orphan and a candle?
One is used.
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?
That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"
What's Technoblade's favorite show and is the only one he can relate to?
Peppa Pig: Peppa Dies!
One day, Johnny told his dad that a girl in his class liked him. He thought she was cute. She said, "Aw, you're like candy!" He didn't say anything. He said, "Why don't you think I am sweet like candy?" Little Johnny said, "Well, sometimes I get a toothache, and it hurts, so I stop eating it, like I stopped liking you."
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
Q: What did one gay cowboy say to the other gay cowboy?
A: Hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
What's the difference between ICE and ISIS?
One of them says their prayers five times a day.
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
Roses are red, I sniff marijuana, I have five fingers, The middle one is for your vagina.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)