One jokes

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.

You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?

When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...

...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)

Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?

Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.

A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."

Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."

Which one gets bullied the most, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?

What pizza did the Twin Towers order?

A plain one.

IX + X = XXI. So XXI is two legions into one.

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?

They have no one to call "Dad."

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

What do you call one baby in ten trashcans?

Chopped Junior!

What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Well, at least one gets picked.

"Morbidity, the story of my life in one joke."

A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"

I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.

A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.

What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.