One jokes

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?

Woman: No, really?

Man: Well, the one I fucked did...

What is the difference between a pencil and a woman?

At least one has a point.

How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?

Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.

what's the difference between a feminist and a knife?

one has a point.

What do emos and guys with a durag have in common? They both have waves, just one is on their arm.

My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.

So all his friends came in one car.

Yo mama so fat, One Punch Man had to punch 3 times.

Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."

One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"

Would you rather have ten babies in one trash can or one baby in ten trash cans?

What did the two paintings say after a long battle?

Let's call this one a draw.

One day a fh iufh uig8v cdy ufh pufvbf ufiu pofiu9fh fiv9fd and a ihefipuivbrivbvhbuirhvbifbvirvueuvgevuebvuerevheubyebubv8ub and a uhckebckjebicbevivhcbehvhbeuybvuebvubvbevcb and one uchercvievciouevihevc98f9p8r78797t587t987dbgioubriogbrihj and they all say we are hacks.

What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?

One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.

Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.

What is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down?

What in the Robot!?

You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

What's the number one thing in an orphan's search history?

"How to find a family."