One jokes

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

What did one Justin say to the other Justin?

- Fuck you.

This town ain't big enough for the one of you.

What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?

One of the missions succeeded.

Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!

Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.

I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!

One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.

Where are the others?

They're in his freezer.

One time, there was a happy little girl. One day, her teacher asked how many legs and arms a pineapple have. She said,

"You know those pokey things on it? That's how many."

Teacher says, "That's dumb. They have zero." Then the next day, the girl set a fire in her house, and she burned her legs and arms. Then she survived and went to school. Then the teacher said, "I heard your house went on fire, and by the way, you know you don't have no arms or legs, right?" The girl said, "OK." Then the teacher asked the question the teacher asked yesterday again. She said, "What do you call a girl with no legs or arms?" The teacher said, "Answer my question!" The girl said, "OK, OK, the girl said 13." The teacher said, "Pineapples do not even have legs!"

Then the teacher had to calm down. Then the teacher said to the girl, "Ask a question. Whatever you want." Then the girl said, "Ok, and I'm sorry, teacher." Teacher said, "It's ok, I need a break." The girl said, "What do you call a girl without legs or arms?" Someone from the class, her name was Nia, she said, "A worm." She said, "NO!!!" The teacher said, "Calm down. Just tell us what!" The girl said, "OK then." The girl said it.......

And y'all who is reading my story, guess what the answer is before I tell you and by the way the girl's name is Sunny. Back to story.........she said the answer is A PINEAPPLE! Then when the teacher was calm, she told her to sit down. Then the teacher read a story, "The Three Little Pigs." Then the girl went home, she got a new house, then lived happily ever after.

What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?

One time I killed Sam, Stan, and Gran on Roblox, and she was really mad.

I used to think that Jewish people were a myth.

But one day I realized, they Israel.

What don't Rick Astley and the Twin Towers have in common?

One won't let you down, while the other will.

One time, I was making a caramel apple.

When I mistook 1 gallon of caramel for 1 camel!

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.

A horse and a bear walk into a bar... Oh wait, can't tell that one!