One jokes

No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Me: Demon Slayer.

My teacher: Why?

The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!

A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"

Me: "To reduce the population by one."

"Have you taken a bath?"

"No. Why, did one go missing?"

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.

I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."

Then which one are you?

I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"

Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.

I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.

What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.

Two husbands walk into a bar.

The first one says, "My wife is an angel."

The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."

What did Trump rename the Presidential plane?

Answer: Hair Force One!

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

Why can't orphans have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy".

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme."