One jokes
Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.
I made that one up.
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
What did one depressed kid say to the other?
Hey, wanna hang together?
A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.
My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Me: Demon Slayer.
My teacher: Why?
The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."
Then which one are you?
Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
My mother didn't want me to love my sister. That made me angry. But then, one day I found this quote: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Since that day, I fuck my sister hard and my MOM harder!
What did Trump rename the Presidential plane?
Answer: Hair Force One!
What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.