One jokes
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
What did one emo say to another emo... "Rock it out!"
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
Why can't an orphan role-play Star Wars?
Because they have no one to play Darth Vader.
What is the difference between a detective company and a man with eyes on his butt?
One has a private eye, and the other has eyed privates.
One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”
So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.
I got 99 problems but a chin ain't one.
What the difference between cats and dogs? They dont have one both taste good
What did one nut say to the other nut? "Help!"
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
How many audio engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two. One, TWO. One, two. One, two.
Me: *posts random joke about a duck*
That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."
That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."
Bro it’s a joke...
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
What makes a nuke and divorce the same?
It only takes one of each to end your life.
My sister said I'm stupid today, and she's the one who wrote this.
President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.
Oh well, that's politics.