One jokes
I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.
What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?
One makes your day and one makes your whole week.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because we shot the last one that had a dream.
I only got one question wrong on my biology test yesterday.
The question was, "What is most commonly found in a cell?"
Apparently, "Black People" wasn't the right answer.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.
My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Me: Demon Slayer.
My teacher: Why?
The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.
I made that one up.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.