One jokes

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.

What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.

What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?

One makes your day and one makes your whole week.

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!

What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).

My wife told me to stop being an idiot.

I told her, "Which one do you want?"

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

What did one depressed kid say to the other?

Hey, wanna hang together?

How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?

Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.

What do orphans and garbage have in common?

They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.

Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.

I made that one up.

Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"

Me: "To reduce the population by one."

No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?