One jokes

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

What did one depressed kid say to the other?

Hey, wanna hang together?

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"

Me: "To reduce the population by one."

"Have you taken a bath?"

"No. Why, did one go missing?"

My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Me: Demon Slayer.

My teacher: Why?

The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!

No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?

One gets picked.

Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.

I made that one up.

A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.

Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?

Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.

My wife told me to stop being an idiot.

I told her, "Which one do you want?"

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?

Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.