Old jokes

I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.

How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?

He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!

Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈

Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70-year-old.

What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?

Slick her hair, she looks 15.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."

(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?

I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.

The last entry was about 12 years old.

Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.

What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?

Neither do ever grow old.

Why did the rapper become an archaeologist?

Because he wanted to dig for old-school beats!

I’ve seen more life in a bowl of WEEK-OLD GUACAMOLE than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes.

What does Leo have in common with a newspaper?

They both love to yap and babble, and they always get fondled by old people.

What's an old Japanese man's last words?

"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"